It's Friday, I'm in love

I hate today. I slept late, got up, ate food, failed at being productive, ate more food, went back to sleep, woke up, ate more food, and now here I am. So I feel lazy, unmotivated, unaccomplished, still tired, fat, and just overall shitty.

On the other hand, yesterday was freaking awesome. Paul got here at four, and it was gorgeous outside, so we went out walking in the woods. He collected some moss for the set he's building and left the bag behind a tree so he wouldn't have to carry it for the rest of our walk. We took a trail I'd never followed before into this part of the woods where I always seem to lose all sense of direction. This is not another psycho walking-to-the-sun story, I just get like a compass needle that's confused by some other magnetic field and doesn't know which way it's pointing. We came out in Hamilton and walked all the way back to Gordon, and by this time we were both starving so we went to Lane. We joined Jen and some others, and then some others joined us (which was really funny, because Paul got up to get seconds, and people kept trying to sit in his seat. I think I had to tell three people they couldn't sit there. I'm just that popular, y'know. XD) Then we went to get Paul's bag of moss and I had to grab some negatives and my favorite headphones from the darkroom, where I left them because I am forgetful like that. But Paul couldn't remember which tree he put the moss behind, and it was pitch black and wet out there. As he was searching for it, he called back to me, "You know, this is how horror movies always start." Great.

Well, a little after that, Gordon Globes started. That's our student film festival. They had searchlights out in front of the chapel and everyone was dressed to the nines. The inside was decorated with shiny stars and colorful lights, and a jazz ensemble was playing while everyone took their seats. A lot of the films were very Gordon-oriented in their subject matter and humor and it was sad because so many of the things that were hilarious to me, like the Fowlers' cat Chester taking over campus and someone having to retake CCC over stealing a likeness of Chester from the new tavern, didn't make sense to Paul because he doesn't go here. The film that won was basically the only entry we saw that wasn't filmed on campus and wasn't specific to a Gordon audience, so there was really no competition. As for funniest entry, I was torn. My friend Kevin's movie was about ways to get decent food on campus, which involved stealing various forms of takeout from professors or hunting animals and freshmen around the property. Another involved a bunch of students with superpowers who had to save gravity from Chester's evil scheme. It was a riot, but I'm worried about how the Fowlers are going to take it seeing how offended they were at someone stealing his picture from the Prancing Pony.

After the show, we joined a horde of Gordonites that invaded the local Uno's, and it was such good times! I haven't gone out hardly at all this semester, nor had I hung out with so many of the people there since before Christmas. It reminded me why I used to love it here and made me want that back. I didn't get to bed until 2. How I miss those good old days (or nights) of staying up for no reason but to be with people I loved doing absolutely nothing. That's where all my memories come from. Next quad I am coming back with a vengeance!!! I was in love with this place once, and I shall be again!

As for now, I'm going to see some friends perform. Not Mae, unfortunately, but it should be good. I don't think I have the energy to go into Boston anyway, it's just sad because I was looking forward to seeing Mae way back in December when I heard about the show. It was going to be my first 18+ show and I was going to ask Jacob if he wanted to collaborate on a film project about synaesthesia. Le sighhhh. Next time.

Philosophy

Yesterday in chapel, when they were talking about the meaning of Lent, they said that if it feels like something is controlling us rather than us controlling it (i.e. Facebook, cell phones, iPods), then that's something we should consider giving up. Soooo if I feel that school is not only controlling my life, but in fact, is destroying my soul (in the Glenney sense of soul as one's entire being and, moreover, purpose, not the traditional "floaty" sense of soul), it logically follows that I should give up school.

They also said that Lent is a fast from spiritual junk food, enabling us to feel our hunger for God. So if I give up school, then my relationship with God will surely improve exponentially because I will have actual time to experience and satiate said hunger for God. School makes me a fat Christian, so I should cut it out of my diet.

I like this philosophy. Unfortunately, the president of Gordon, not to mention my parents, probably won't. Suck.

A series of unfortunate events

This first one's not so much unfortunate as it is hilarious. Paul and I had our first fight this weekend. I mean, we have dumb little fights all the time, like "You're cute." "Well you're cuter." Or "you're retarded." "Oh yeah? Well... buh." Or "fuck you." "Fuck YOU!" But this time we actually argued about something. And you know what it was over? The shape of the 1990s. Don't question your literacy; you read correctly. The spatial form of the 1990s. Turns out my boyfriend is also synaesthetic. The argument happened because he says the 1990s go down with respect to the 80s, when CLEARLY they're an almost-vertical line, continuing upwards from the vertical line of the 80s, that curves to the right in the second half of the decade. CLEARLY.

But the rest of this entry IS actually about unfortunate things that have happened over the past three or four days. Enjoy laughing at my pain. Points for anyone who gets the music reference. =D

I woke up on Saturday hardly able to move because of a pain in my back. I don't know what caused it, but every little twist of my head or torso suddenly made me want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Later on, I stood up into the corner of something and took off a few layers of skin at the top of my arm. No blood, but it hurt like the dickens.

Then I twisted my ankle running from orcs (a story that I have yet to relate). Ironically, the second it happened, my back felt loads better. At the same time that I hurt my foot, I also ripped my hand open on some thorns, and by the time we got back to Paul's, the side of my hand was all covered in blood and looked a whole lot worse than it actually was. Apparently I also got a gash on my leg at the same time as the other two injuries, but I didn't even notice it until I went to change into my PJs and noticed some more blood on my leg. Mmm, yummy.

Today, I slammed my finger in my bedroom door on the way to dinner. I had gloves on at the time and couldn't see it, but I shook it out, cursed a little, and proceeded on my way to dinner. Then I took the gloves off and realized my finger was all bloody. But I am always prepared! I keep band-aids in my bag for such random situations as these. Disaster averted (or at least, evidence of the disaster successfully disguised. XD). And on the bright side, my ankle feels completely better now that my finger is bleeding! Still, I can't help thinking that at this rate, I'll be lucky to survive the next ten days before spring break.

Then I went to get my food, and EVERYTHING in the hot line had meat in it. If they'd had any turkey left I might've just had that, since I'm not too strict about poultry, but they only had pork. Downstairs it was burger madness night or something. I'd gotten a sandwich for lunch even though I wanted something hot, and I was not about to settle for another cold meal on this cold winter's day, so I got ravioli. I KNOW, right? I do not buy pasta. It was one of those too-much-of-a-good-thing scenarios in high school and I can't eat it anymore. But I got it anyway because there was nothing else.

Then I got back to the table, bit into it, and realized it was stuffed full of meat. >_<

Please stay tuned for what happens next. ^_^

The sun still shines behind the clouds

I'm way too back-loaded on work right now to write all about my fantastically epic weekend excursion to Mordor and the orcs that chased us down and how I effed up my foot, but rest assured that the story is coming. It may not be coming til ten days in the future, but it's coming. I just wanted to share a couple of cool things that happened today that sort of cued me in to the presence of God in all the little things.

"It would be so easy
to hold onto this feeling that elopes
misery with agony, but I'll hold onto hope.
In their words they carry hurts buried in myself.
In disarray, the easy way could take me somewhere else.
The sun still shines behind the clouds."

We all know I'm stressed out of my mind; this is not news. Long story short, stuff came up as far as housing/rooming next year, and it was the straw before the straw that broke the camel's back (thank goodness it didn't break my back; I can't sustain any more injuries right now). I mentioned it to Denise, and she said that she and two friends were looking for a fourth person to complete a suite in Chase. We had talked about rooming earlier this year but we were both tied to so many people that we would need, like, three apartments just to fit us all and we gave it up. But this new arrangement fell into place so neatly and so quickly, and I am immensely grateful for that. I'm going to meet the other girls (or at least one of them) over dinner tomorrow night. The Lord will provide!

Also, I had a couple of conversations with Jess today, and once again she reminded me of how totally awesome she is. She made me feel so understood and all-around, unconditionally loved. I need that right now. I feel like I'm fighting everyone and everything, including myself. Shout out to Jess. I love you!!

Last but not least, coming back from babysitting, I had Kiros blaring from my car speakers while I searched for a parking space. The song was "Heaven." It came to the line, "the sun still shines behind the clouds," and suddenly out of nowhere the sun broke through the clouds and lit everything up brilliantly! It was overcast again just a few moments later. I know this is New England and weather spasms are not out of the ordinary, but all the same, it made me smile and encouraged me that, indeed, the sun is still out there and shining and someday soon, I'll find it. I'll take it as a tiny miracle of timing. With gratitude.

Conversely, heaven is eating quality vegetables.

I am eating leftover vegetables. I know, I know. Leftovers are icky. Vegetables are icky (yes, this is coming from a vegetarian.... or uh, at least a flexitarian XD). But surprisingly, they taste AMAZING. I think that vegetables grown in heaven must taste like these ones. Mmmmmm.

You know what tastes bad, though? The amount of work I have to get done this afternoon. I keep forgetting I actually have a class at one. Ugh, what an inconvenience. I really need to get this reading done for production tonight. But that class is a waste of time too, at least for my group, because no one actually wants to do anything, only one girl actually knows how to contact our client and she's got senioritis too bad to actually work on the damn thing, and I am way too overloaded to take on the whole thing myself. Which is good, I guess, since otherwise I probably would and then everyone else would get to reap the benefits, and man, that sucks. But if the project doesn't get done, then NO ONE gets any benefits.

So why, you ask, am I wasting precious minutes blogging if I have so much to do?

Psychologists have a name for this.

It's called "avoidance."

Hell is a never-ending traffic jam

Coming back to school, I left myself 20 extra minutes to get there so I wouldn't be late for my 8:00 shift at the writing center. I was making good time; not my best, but pretty good. I was going to be on time, probably even a little bit early. And then I hit exit 32, and quite suddenly the car in front of me came to a complete stop. I slammed on the brakes and the two jars of jam Mama Swede insisted on giving me went flying. This was around 7:15. By the time I hit exit 34, it was 8:15. Yes, that's right: one hour, and I traveled a grand total of two exits. I mean, by the time I got out of this thing, I just wanted to break something. Fortunately my car and my self were not on my list of things I would enjoy breaking, so don't worry. This is not going to be one of Those Stories. But I felt sort of bad about how angry I was sitting in the traffic jam from hell when I saw the cause of it. Just before exit 34, they had closed down two lanes and there were at least half a dozen cop cars along with a whole bunch of other vehicles. The scene was complete with flashing lights and flares, causing the pavement to glitter threateningly with broken glass. Then I came to the accident. One car looked like the top had been ripped off it and the other one was on its side. It didn't look good for whoever had been in those cars; that's all I can say.

Well, I made it to my shift, forty minutes late. Which sucks because now I can't get paid for those forty minutes, and I really need the money if we're going to drive to Cali this summer. Ironic that I would still want to drive 3000 miles out there and 3000 miles back after seeing those cars own each other and after witnessing my own hardcore frustration at bad traffic situations. Buuuut the Pacific beckons.... and how can I refuse?

Skittles and Combos

I'm having a pretty fantastic day right now. I'm done with my photo test and my sociology midterm. Both went well enough, especially considering how little I studied. The sun is shining and it's warm enough for me to walk around in my Relient K zip-up hoodie. As an added bonus, the snow is melting, creating big ol' puddles all over campus, AND I HAVE RAIN BOOTS. Nuff said. Megan (from summer camp) surprised me with a visit. She brought a whole bunch of crack - I mean, uh, Skittles. Skittles. I only got like 6 hours of sleep last night and even after I napped between chapel and astronomy, I still felt pretty woozy, so Megan and those two bags of Skittles were a God-send. Then we got totally high off all those Skittles and sat there and laughed our faces off at this:



Love you, Isaac, my one-time imaginary boyfriend. XD

I nabbed some linear diffraction windows from my astronomy class and I've been taking pictures through them. I've got to find some more interesting subjects, but for now I've got these:




Taste the Rainbow.... pshh, who needs Photoshop?


Paul is on his way here and we are going to go gallivanting about the Gordon woods. Yes, I will be wearing my rain boots. Yes, I will still be acting like I'm on crack. I think he's pretty used to that though....

How I Sold my Soul to the Dean of Students

My new theory is that Gordon likes to tell us our souls belong to God so we won't realize we've actually sold our souls to the institution of education.

Do I actually believe that? Not quite yet... but I'm getting close.

This week...
- For tonight: read another 40 pages of the textbook that didn't arrive in the mailroom til Friday (and without its exciting counterpart, the 3.5" disk of special features... I kid you not) as well as two chapters of the book that has not yet arrived. Also, as of yesterday afternoon the prof decided we should all watch the Superbowl ads, pick our favorite, and write about it for tonight's class.
- For the rest of the week: Read like 3 chapters for astronomy because I haven't read a word of that book in over a week on account of all the other work I've had and I'm now behind.
- Photography - read two chapters, BS some stuff about some more library books. Also get supplies that I still haven't purchased on account of not having time to go to the store. This will have to happen soon as I'm also nearly out of food for the dorm room and have been for some time now.
- Sociology - midterm is next Monday (already?! Damn. At least that means it's halfway over.) Also have to pick an essay topic soon.
- Philosophy - write a paper about how we know the soul is immortal or the nature of virtue or other impossible matters. WTF GLENNEY?
- Tartan articles... at least one, maybe two...
- Figure out how to get the damn film on the damn reel without being able to see it.

Holy frick-muffins, this looks even worse when I write it all out. Consequently, being "tired," or even "exhausted," "beat," or "drained," is not an acceptable reason to sleep. Being dead might be. Experiment is still in progress.