Reflections

In light of 2009... and because these random surveys that I snag from Reah are so much fun.... some Mandii-related factoids:

I’m a writer. I work best early in the day, away from my bedroom and, more importantly, away from my computer.

I wish I could skateboard, snowboard, or surf. Alas, I do not have the balance for any of these.

I don’t care if it’s thirty degrees out and blizzarding; I want ice cream!

I name most of my material possessions. My guitars are Black Fire (electric), Mabel (acoustic), and Ruby (bass); my car is Derry; my laptop is Jesus; my phone is L. G. Fuad; and I have just decided that my amp is Lt. Surge.

With the exception of sex, I will try almost anything once.

With the exception of cows, I will eat almost anything you could imagine in almost any combination you could imagine. This includes the likes of pepperoni with honey and tuna fish with jelly: staples of a scrumptious La Vida diet. Also M&Ms with chips and salsa if I’m feeling especially nutritious.

I really love the moon the first night after it’s new, when it’s a tiny silver sliver and you can see the dim outline of the rest of it.

I hate mainstream everything, probably more than is justified.

When people in movies have on-screen sex, it makes me really uncomfortable.

I wish I had more time to read.

I still use my Walkman sometimes. *Oldskool!!*

Skullcandy headphones are sexy.

Bassists are sexy.

Your face is sexy… maybe. ^_~

Concerts are probably my favorite thing in the world. I’ll do anything to get to a concert. And I’ve got to be up front. Fighting your way there is half the adventure of going to a show XD

As soon as I can, I’m moving to the west coast. Wish I was rich enough to live on Coronado….

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To honor the passing of 2008, I've been reflecting on all the things I've discovered over the year:

Carpe diem.

The older I get, the littler I realize I am.

Lying DOES beat shaving your legs, but it’s not the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off.

Mountain Dew does not glow in the dark.

You are what you become. You become what you are.

Life’s what you make of it, and what you’ll get is what you’ll take from it.

"No words, just emotions" leaves you on the side of the road with a flat and no jack.

Evidence shows that the way to a guy’s heart is not through his stomach. I'll venture a guess that it's a little lower than that.

Sometimes God gives us exactly what we're asking for and it's like.... PWNED.

Tea is actually quite scrumptious. Who knew?

Never underestimate the density of the male species. You will always be proven wrong.

Anyone can believe their eyes. It takes something different to believe your heart.

I would rather be happy than right.

The mystery of "jet-puffed marshmallows" is best left unsolved.

Geese live forever. At any rate I ain't ever seen a dead goose.

If you plant the little green army men high enough, nobody will bother taking them down (atop the clock in Lane... on the windowpanes of the chapel lobby....)

You're never too old to be a scene kid at heart. However, you are probably too old to go to a Cobra show.

Be smart first and nice second or people will take advantage of you.

Long hair and mosh pits don't mix.

If it's pouring rain, don't try to use your phone outside, dumbface. Everybody knows that.

Sledding in a Nor'easter is TOTALLY epic. Driving in one kind of sucks.

If you put your fro yo in those little cups that are supposed to be for ketchup, sometimes the Lane workers won't make you pay for it.

Spooning with boys is not scandalous... but if you give Gill a camera, she can make it look that way.

College and vegetarianism don't mix. If the food is free, you eat it and don't ask questions.

If you feel it, someone else has already written a song about it.

Baking soda is a very effective way to whiten teeth and costs a heck of a lot less than Crest whitening strips or fancy-pants toothpaste.

I cannot cope with a world devoid of love, and I do not wish to cope with a world devoid of God.

No matter how long you stand in the shower, you can't wash regret away. No matter how far you walk, jog or drive, you can't leave your problems behind. And no matter how good the ice cream tastes, all you're going to gain from bingeing out of self-pity is weight.

There are no mistakes, only accidents entwined with fate.

I am recycling my childhood, along with receipts and bank statements from two years back and the occasional birthday card that someone signed and sent me out of obligation. Sifting through all the typed and scribbled words that defined my high school self is like reading somebody else's biography. I don't know who I was, though at the time I was sure I had myself and everything else figured out.

I thought I was open-minded, accepting, and loving, but I was quick to judge everyone, at the same time condemning them for judging me (which I still believe they did, but that never gave me the right to write them off like I did). Honest to God, I don't know how I held down any friends. I thought I was comfortable in my own skin, but I was narcissistic and confident to the point of arrogance. I assumed most of my peers deserved my contempt, thinking I was better than them - because I cared about academics, because I didn't drink or party or have sex with random guys, because I had written a book, because I was a Christian.

That last one kills me the most. Christians are supposed to be humble and think others better than themselves, but the way I wrote about myself and the people I encountered from day to day clearly shows that I thought I was worth a whole lot more than any of them. Instead of showing them Christ-like love, I just avoided them altogether. My attitude was more or less a middle finger to all but my closest friends; everyone could go to hell for all I cared. Jesus would have befriended them. I know he would have. He loves them so much more than I ever did or could.

So this is just to say, for anyone who cares to listen, that I'm sorry for the person I became. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change. I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again because who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been.

I'm a pirate, doncha know?

Last night instead of sleigh bells, all I heard on my roof was RAIN, washing my beautiful white Christmas down the drain. ='(

I know y'all want to hear about the booty. I had a pretty good haul this morning. My dad bought me an iPod even though I told him not to; and I mean, it'll be great to not have to deal with the defective select button on the ol' video iPod anymore, but as long as the thing played music I wasn't going to replace it. I got loads of socks and I'm thrilled because I've gotten holes in all my favorite pairs this month. I got all kinds of shampoo and other useful things that every college girl needs, like a toothbrush and chewing gum. I got a few books, too. I should read more often. I miss it.

I think I need to issue a list of approved stores to my grandparents, though. They always buy me gift cards, and it's good that they want me to pick out my own gift so I'll be sure to like it, but there's only so much you can pick out at a store you don't really want to shop at. I could use a gift card for Hot Topic, Pac Sun, Journeys, Barnes and Noble, Borders, Forever 21, the Apple store (which my uncle was shrewd enough to get), or the whole gosh darn mall if you really wanna play it safe, but they ALWAYS get them for Macy's or Kohl's and... I just don't really buy stuff at those places anymore. Last time I used it on a toaster oven, which I'm not actually even allowed to have at school....

Kudos to whichever grandparent picked out the Panera card, though. When in doubt, food is always a good gift. Just look at all the banana bread I baked this year.


My dad's new robot toy is talking really loudly downstairs. Harold is a riot about it; he keeps going over to sniff it, then the thing says something and the poor dog runs away in terror. I won't lie. I've walked by it a couple times, thinking it was off, only to have it make some remark. I screamed and practically fell over on my way upstairs to make this post.

I know I promised an excerpt from my story. Until I have time to get that up, enjoy these lovely pictures:

This is what remains.

"I Celebrate the Day"
Relient K

With this Christmas wish is missed
the point I could convey
if only I could find the words to say to let you know
how much you've touched my life, because
here is where you're finding me -
in the exact same place as New Year's Eve -
and from a lack of my persistency,
we're less than half as close as I want to be.

And the first time that you opened your eyes,
did you realize that you would be my Savior?
And the first breath that left your lips
did you know that it would change this world forever?

So this Christmas I'll compare
the things I've felt in prior years
to what this midnight made so clear:
that you have come to meet me here.

To look back and think that
this baby would one day save me
In the hope that what you did,
that you were born so I might really live
To look back and think that
this baby would one day save me...

And the first time that you opened your eyes,
did you realize that you would be my Savior?
And the first breath that left your lips,
did you know that it would change this world forever?

And I
I celebrate the day
that you were born to die
so I could one day pray for you to save my life.

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Every Christmas, I come back to this song as a work of profoundly childlike thought, heartfelt truth, and artistic beauty. We tend to forget that when the last dollar is spent, the last ribbon curled, the last present unwrapped and the last cookie crumbled, THIS is what's left. A baby. A Savior. A celebration, a promise, and a hope. A song sung in every tongue that can never be silenced, although at times it fades. I won't pretend it hasn't faded for me this year, but amidst the raging currents of life, there will never come a time when I don't believe this is true: that God sent his only son to take on flesh - I mean, FLESH; think about the implications of a deity wrapping himself in FLESH - so I could one day pray for him to save my life.

Merry Christmas.

Technicolor girls

Twas the eve of Christmas eve, and all through the house..... echoed the strains of Mandii's emo music... because no matter how hard I try to grow out of being scene and emo, I keep finding more emo bands that don't suck. Hard to believe, I know.

I also can't help drooling over all the scenester jewelry illuminating Claire's with its neon glory. I should not be allowed in that store. I should also not admit that I shop there, as it exists for the whims of obnoxious tweeney girls who are at least four years younger than me. BUT YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD FOR NEON. Remember that.

I finished shopping today! I freaked out and called everyone asking what the flip I should get my boyfriend for Christmas, and they were like, "Well, just get him - ah - hmmm, you have a point; he IS hard to shop for...." And of course in the end I came up with an entirely different idea from what everyone suggested. Isn't that just like me?

As you may have guessed from the fact that I went shopping, I got my car out of the driveway and it's running fine. Aaand running into a lot of snowbanks because apparently I can't navigate around them.... I just know they must've had someone like me captaining the Titanic....

Anyhow, I bought some stuff and baked some stuff and bought some more stuff. My sister wants Uggs; she's been through at least as many pairs of those things as I've been through Chucks, and that's quite a lot. She knew no one in the family had the money for Uggs, though, and asked for an imitation instead, which was really good of her. But she wanted them to basically BE Uggs without actually bearing the logo. Walking around the mall yesterday, she found a reason to dislike EVERY pair of boots we presented to her. Well, tonight I found a really lovely cranberry red pair at Kohl's, and even though I generally think Uggs are hideously, irredeemably ugly... if she doesn't like this pair, I'm totally taking them for myself. XD

Well, I'm out for the night. I've been getting up early - like, before the hour hand reaches double digits.... In fact, I've been up before nine every day this week, and for me that is a feat indeed. Why do I put myself through this on vacation? you may ask. After all, I didn't get up this early when school was in session; why do you think I didn't make my chapel quota? Well. I've been working on my novel, which is way more exciting and epic than chapel (with the exception of that one chapel with the guy from Walden Media, and the one with that other guy who's getting me an agent.... and the one where that other other guy who was mostly blind referenced Harry Potter.)

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As they all grow older the truth will be understood,
cause we never turn out the way we thought we would.

RAWR!

My mom teaches piano lessons, and I hate being home when she does. Not because I don't like hearing the music, though hearing kids struggle through the same four-note songs for 19 years of my life does get a little monotonous - but hey, what are headphones for, right? No, the worst is that it suddenly becomes my responsibility to answer the phone, which starts ringing off the hook the moment my mother sits down to teach a lesson, so I accomplish nothing because I'm too busy playing fetch with the handset. And when I answer, people just assume I'm her and start talking a million miles a second, so I have to interrupt and explain that I am not, in fact, my mother and that she is teaching (if you're calling about piano lessons, you should KNOW that she's teaching during the afternoon), and then they start throwing questions at me like I should know the answers. When I don't, they start pitching names and call-back numbers and I'm like, oh shit I don't have a pen, so now I'm trying to memorize things that have no relevance to me, and meanwhile the computer's going into screen saver mode and my train of thought is totally derailed.....

So yeah, long story short, I decided I should go somewhere else to work on my novel. But there's no Prancing Pony or Claymore or Atomic Cafe around here. And then I remembered I was supposed to play chauffeur for my sister and get her from basketball practice at 5, so I decided to go early and just do my work at the high school.

But I got to my car and the door was iced shut, the windshield wipers were frozen down, the heat knob was sticking (this was ten minutes later, after I pried the door open and thawed my frostbitten fingers), and when I put it in drive, there was this awful grinding sound from under the car and the wheels started spinning. So apparently I am TRAPPED here, possibly for as long as it takes for the ice to thaw and maybe even longer if there is actual permanent damage to my car from living under the snow for four days.

*Angry people music time*

First day of winter... Third day of non-stop snow

"Right now things are perfect; I don't deserve this." I'm in the middle of reminding myself how amazing Kiros is. I can't decide which song to post. I want to share "Speak Softly" because it feels sort of thematic right now and its sound fits the snowy mood. But "Beautiful" is probably the most amazing song on "A Single Strand." Okay, that's it; you're getting both. And you'd better LISTEN to both. XD

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Ebby does the white window test. Yep, it's sticking, all right. A lot.






My little Derry, dwarfed by the pile of snow from shoveling the driveway like 12 times.

Sweetbitter

An overwhelming number of my favorite people bundled into a single track:

"Bittersweet" sort of embodies how I'm feeling about a few things right now. Snow. My family. Life... and its lack of talking animals and epic clashes of good vs. evil. The usual.

It snowed so bad today that it took us at least half an hour to make it home from Marshall's (it should've been half that), and when we got to the road that my street branches off of, there were some guys pushing cars up the little slope because none of them could make it up. So far at least eight inches of cold, white fairy dust have collected on the tree branches and wrought iron furniture outside.

I am starting to see some of the reasons adults dislike snow. Aside from the perilous roads, there's the issue of shoveling. I don't think I'd mind so much except we have a long, gravel driveway and, oh yeah, I have spaghetti for arm muscles. There's nothing like manual labor to make you resent one of nature's most beautiful mood swings.

For now, though, I'm hunkering down in my chilly little cave of a bedroom after watching two of my favorite movies with two of my favorite people. Horton Hears a Who, if you haven't seen it, is SO not "just for kids." It's got drugs - I mean, fuzzy dandelions - and emo kids in it. Really, with those factors, you can't go wrong.

After that we watched Prince Caspian. I adore fantasy movies like that, but I felt really bad for my sister because she couldn't understand why a little girl coming back to a magical world where trees and animals used to be her friends would try to talk to a bear. I said she just needed to read more fantasy books and use her imagination a little, which for some reason made her kind of mad at me.

Then, when the movie ended, I got all melancholy as I always do at the end of fantasy movies and said to my mom, "I always hate when the adventure has to end and everything has to go back to normal." She looked at me the way she used to when she wanted to talk me out of believing in fairies in sixth grade and said, "Fantasy isn't real, darling."

Well, yeah, but are you saying you don't get sucked into the story? Are you saying you don't suspend your disbelief and start to believe lions really talk? How can you not want that to be real? Le sigh. Apparently I am the only one in this household with a taste for high fantasy. Tragic.

But I am trying to highlight the sweet. Snow is magical. I can't wait to go walking in the fresh, clean, black and white world tomorrow. I should buy film and take pictures. We have storytellers to make up for the things that are impossible in real life, and hey, real life isn't so bad, anyway. In fact, right now it's kind of...

Sweet.

Sleaping with my eyes wide

Song of the day:

The All American Rejects released their new album, "When the World Comes Down," TODAY, and I'm so obsessed with the single that I'm having a really hard time not buying the whole dang album RIGHT NOW. But Christmas is coming. Take note! This is on my list.

I have to write a press release for tomorrow morning. I always promise myself I won't wait until it's down to the wire. But I've just been blundering, zombie-like, through this past week of not-nearly-as-stressful-as-everyone-else's-finals. And speaking of zombies.... I pre-ordered Isaac Marion's new book, Warm Bodies, today, and you should too!

Anyway, so here I am, the night before the final press release is due, and how much of it have I written? Not a word. Not even a "Media Contact" at the top of the page. Nada. But I have like ten pages of notes from other students and professors about the crucial nature of core philosophy classes, and I think I just found the focus of my piece: they're getting rid of the old core philosophy options, antiquity and modernity, and replacing them with a single, 4-credit core philosophy class. Score!

I wish I could go home tomorrow morning after my pancake final. I need to be elsewhere. I think that's why I'm sleeping so much (and I just tried to spell that "sleaping...." Yeah, it's time for a break.)

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P.S. I just got this word verification thing:

Preggy yog, anyone? I hope this isn't prophetic.... o_O
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11:15: Finally buckled down and finished the press release after watching the fire fighters do their stuff outside. Apparently some kids think it's festive to burn furniture on the quad. No comment. I think it's festive to be done with work, which I nearly am. All I have left to do is a self-critique/reflection for my poetry class. I dunno if I've got another 2-4 pages in me, though. Bring on the bull....

It's snowing! Yaysnowdance! *(>^_^)> <(^_^)> <(^_^<)*

~ A snowflake on your cheek would make this Christmas so beautiful. ~

Boredom begone! Pt. III

My darling Jennifer!
1. You can do a mean caramel dance.
2. Zephyr, or any of those songs I gave you on that mix - Mr. Wonderful, Bumblebee. Haha.
3. Turnips.
4. HIYAA MOUSTACHE!!
5. ^ Same as above. XD
6. A dancing hamster? I don't know. You don't really make me think of an animal, lol.
7. How are you so good at not caring what people think of you? That is so rad.
8. I know you've always got my back - and thank God for that!!
9. Your turn!

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I lost one of my favorite earrings. It's a little silver wing if anyone comes across it. Isn't it tragic how we only ever lose our favorite earrings? =(

I baked Christmas presents today! I wish I had a Santa hat to wear while I deliver them. Tie Dye Brian said he'd get me one but I think he was kidding. I hope.

In other news, Paul and I officially decided we're together. Happyhappyhappy! Now I REALLY can't wait to go home. But this does leave me with the perplexing question of what does one give a boyfriend for Christmas...?

I CAN'T FUCKING STAND IT.

ALL I COULD DO WAS CLOSE MY EYES
AND CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE TO DIE
CAUSE YOU DON'T FUCKING LISTEN
WHEN I'M AROUND

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Sorry for the profanity. At least it wasn't a homicide.

Kthxbye.

I has a Viking.

Well, today my promotional campaign team presented our marketing strategies to the rest of my media writing class. We got a great response and the class had some excellent suggestions for our client, Advocates for a Sustainable Future. That's the end, really. That promo campaign was our final. All that's left is writing one last press release and turning it in next Wednesday morning... at the professor's house... while she feeds us pancakes. ^_^

I'm in the writing center til four. I'm still less than comfortable with tutoring scenarios, but fortunately I've mostly worked with pretty competent writers who are open to suggestions and dialogue on their papers. I can't wait to take a nap, though. My womb hurts. Damn my ovaries.

Speaking of me being menstrual and psychotic... dag, yo. You should have seen me last night. I was so pissed off at stuff that normally only pisses me off a little. As much as I didn't want to venture out into the frigid New England cold (it was only 20 degrees out yesterday), I couldn't sit still at my desk a second longer, so I donned my gym gear and took off for the Bennett Center to work out. Yes, me, working out. I was that pissed.

I listened to screamo while running around the track. I ran until I couldn't run anymore (which didn't take too long since I'm horribly out of shape); then I walked until my muscles got bored of doing the same thing over and over; then I stretched and did crunches until I couldn't do another sit up. After an hour and a half, I decided that, since I was more or less paralyzed by then, I should probably stop and go finish up the campaign.

I mentioned to Paul that stuff was really getting to me, and he said, "It's Viking time!" Which I'm fairly certain is a threat.

Thanks for that. <3

Snowy with a high of 32

"It's funny how you find you enjoy your life when you're happy to be alive."

Reasons I am happy to be alive:

- I had a fantastic time on my date last night. For the record, though, Twilight is a pretty awful movie. Awful acting, plus some of the camera work really aggravated me/made me dizzy. And as Paul pointed out, the special effects left a lot to be desired. Anyway, let's get back to reasons I'm happy.

- Driving around, all the houses have Christmas lights twinkling on the trees. And I'm sure that I've not seen the Christmas lights this bright before.

- I woke up this morning and the skylight was blanketed with snow! I call it the white window test. It's how I know the snow is sticking. It's always nice to look out the window and see those very first few flakes of snow. Later on, we can go outside and create the impression of an angel that just fell from the sky.

- The bare trees don't look so naked now in their robes of white.

- Now that it's snowed and we have a beautiful evergreen sparkling in our living room, I feel that it is totally acceptable for me to blast my holiday playlist in the car.

- The only thing that makes me happier than Relient K's old-skool punk-rock Christmas album, "Deck the Halls, Bruise Your Hand," is their cover of "Sleigh Ride." When Megs and I saw them last year, they played that song and some random guys we'd befriended and started a mosh pit with insisted that we "slow mosh" to it. Soooo imagine a slow-motion mosh pit to this:


- I also feel that it is totally acceptable for me to laugh my head off listening to "Sleigh Ride" alone in my car while all the drivers around me wonder if I'm completely nuts. The answer is yes; yes I am.

And you know what?

I am okay with that. ^_^

Deck the halls

We put up the Christmas tree today. It was a little sad because my dad had to be at work and wasn't here to help us pick one out, or to put up his golfer ornament after everything else was finished, which is the tradition. Generally he gets the tree standing and leaves the decorating to the rest of us. But we girls got the tree inside and standing up just fine, thank you, and it looks lovely and cheerful and smells delightfully of Christmastime. And we have mistletoe.... ^_~



For the record, I really want to go WASSAILING this year. But I don't think people really do that nowadays. I also am fairly certain that wassail has rum or something in it so yeah. I just really like the word. XD

Prosetry!

As promised: Random prosetry!! (That's prose/poetry, which is a term I coined after writing this hybrid.) In other news, happy Saturday. Very happy indeed. Good night, moon.

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Nothing fits right anymore. My jeans are sagging. My feet are dragging. I’ve got my face to the floor, peering in between the boards, and I spy what you’re thinking.

Now my key won’t fit the lock. I can’t get my sneakers off. I’ve grown longer than my bed. My brain is bigger than my head. The vast white sky overwhelms my tiny space of sadness and I am still trying to tack the right words to the corkboard with a pushpin that’s bigger than I am.

Straining through my teeth, the truth got caught. Can you hold me close enough to read my thoughts? I’m a liar; thank your stars I never hold a job for long. A new day will dawn and maybe this won’t feel so wrong. I’ll tilt my head and throw one back, scrap the Kleenex for a laugh. I’ll recall a well-worn melody that doesn’t taste like coffee beans, a song that doesn’t steal my sleep.

I’m awaiting such a day when my eyes will open to the spangled way the freckles spark across the starry host. ‘Til then I am threadbare, hackneyed, right down to the kernel of me: so this is what it means to be a ghost.

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p.s. This needs a title. Ideas?

Stuck in a Moment

Happy Friday! I'm stoked it's finally here. I'm heading out for home as soon as I finish babysitting, so probably around four-ish, to see my beautiful, talented little sister in her high school play. Tomorrow we're putting up the Christmas tree. I love Christmastime! Yesterday I made cookies with some girls on my floor and ate way more than was probably healthy. Then my roomie and I decorated for the season.







I'm on a random U2 kick today. I don't know what sparked it. I've always thought U2 was great morning music, but it's clearly not morning anymore and I'm still listening, so.... *shrug*



Expect that prose thingy tomorrow. I think this post is long enough.

...and I like keeping y'alls in suspense. ^_^

One day, robots will cry.

I feel like this whole break is shaping up to be eating and sleeping. If my family didn't make so much noise, I'd probably just sleep through the whole thing. At any rate it would be entertaining; I had a lot of dreams last night. First I dreamed I was seeing Kiros, but half the band had left and the other half looked like completely different people and I didn't recognize them. Then I dreamed I was a Pokemon trainer and somehow I got pushed into a raging river or something and got hurt pretty bad. Then I dreamed my teeth were falling out, which is positively the worst kind of dream to have. Then I dreamed I was spooning with this guy I've met like one time, and it was really random but I was totally cool with it. I think that's it. I kept waking up in the middle of stuff because my head was cold and my covers kept coming off. Brr. I'm going to sit in front of the fire now and try to be a little more excited about life.

It kind of bothers me how early Christmas starts. Don't get me wrong, the Christmas season is one of my favorite times of year. I love all the twinkling lights and I love how happy everybody is. Walking around the streets is like walking around Gordon - you can talk to anyone and you'll get a smile or a laugh, whether you've ever met them or not. But seriously, the stores have been playing Christmas music for two weeks already. Don't wear it out, people.

It sickens me how the materialism of the season just gets worse and worse every year. This year I'm trying not to ask for a lot of things I don't need. I need a new phone, for instance, and socks that don't have holes in them. But I'm refraining from asking for a new iPod, even though mine fails, because at least it still plays music. I'm not asking for clothes or CDs, either. I could go for tickets to see Reel Big Fish at the Palladium in January, though... *hint hint* Yeah, but the best price I can find is $75. Boo.

Ok. La-la-la-laundry time, then left-overs. Routine. Blah. I hate predictability.

Spoonage?!

Why is my room so effing cold??? I'd get as much warmth sleeping out in my car... with the heater off. Anybody up for spooning...?

I went to brunch with Trish today and afterward we went in search of a cafe that served steamers. We found one in downtown Hingham and I got the best mint chocolate steamer I've ever had. Then we jammed a little and watched some Lovely Complex, which is pretty much the most adorable show ever except for maybe My Neighbor Totoro (but that's a movie, not a show). I've been playing my bass a lot lately. I wish I was in a band so I'd have more motivation to practice. Oh, and so I'd have a good excuse to travel across the country in a van. ^_^

Then my mom made me come home to see my sister and then go visit my grandpa. I figured we were supposed to spend quality time or something but we just watched Oprah for like an hour, which was painfully boring and I wished I'd stuck around at Trisha's and played bass some more. I painted my nails fluorescent pink and worked on my string project to pass the time. But then my mommy made me grilled cheese with tomato in it, and the cheese was the right color (i.e. not orange like the stuff in Lane), and all was forgiven.

I watched Wall-E with Robby and his family tonight. Cutest movie ever!! Especially from the perspective of a comm major who's gone through the process of telling a story without dialog. Not that Wall-E had NO dialog, but the parts that didn't have it, didn't need it, and even the parts that had it told the story very visually. I guess once you get into film this is how you start to think about all movies without even trying. Haha.

Then Rob and I went to visit Charles, who didn't say much because he was busy slaying zombies. I'm pretty sure the only information we actually exchanged was that I do not, in fact, have a boyfriend at school, thank you very much for asking. Now I'm listening to some lovely acoustic music to try and purge my mind of the rather gruesome thought of zombies spawning and eating people. And still working on not freezing. I think I'll try and sleep now; it's probably my warmest option. If I start having zombie nightmares... I just have to remember to count my fingers.....

Dismantle. Repair.

I'm home. I wasn't going to leave til tomorrow, but I didn't feel like sitting still. I still don't feel like sitting still. I'm very restless and discontent. I want to be somewhere else. I want to be with other people, and the people I want to be with the most are the hardest to pin down.

On the bright side, I got to see Joe tonight! It felt so normal for him to be there, and I can't explain why; even when he was going to Gordon last year, it wasn't like we hung out all the time. But somehow it was like he never left. We made pizza at his sister's apartment and I brought peanut butter brownies. I bring brownies to almost everything, and if not brownies, then ba-freakin-nana awesome bread or seven-layer dip. Pretty much I buy people's friendship with food. Ahaha, I hope that's not actually true. I just really like feeding people.

Anyway, after that we went to the Prancing Pony, which is the new "tavern" on campus. It's got a lovely atmosphere and really feels like the old-time pub from Lord of the Rings. There are only two problems. One, it's not actually called "the Prancing Pony," although all the cool kids call it that. It's actually named after our donor's cat, Chester, and when some kids decided to be funny and steal the "Chester's Place" sign, our donor got pissed and threatened to withdraw funding. Eek. The other problem is that it's not even a real tavern because they don't serve alcohol. I'm not saying I'd drink it, even if I was of age. But come on, people. As my poetry professor said one class, "Why don't they get a fake brothel on campus, too?"

I digress again. After the tavern, we went to Claymore, where a friend of Joe's and Sarah's gave them free drinks. Good stuff. Claymore is where most of my meal points go these days. Heh. Throughout all of this, the crowd of people with us was dwindling until it was just me and Joe. We walked around and visited some people in Wilson and Rider. One of Joe's friends in Rider has covered his entire wall with bottle caps. It looks fantastic and I kind of want to cover my bedroom door with bottle caps so I can pretend I'm half as awesome as this kid.

A little before 10, Sarah and Joe left for home and I decided to do the same. And here I am, ready for the next thing. I'm ready for another concert. The more you go to, the worse the withdrawal symptoms get. Gill and I might go see Cobra Starship on Friday. That would rule. Unless it's all psychotic little girls like last time. Ugh.

Overall it was a good night. It was great to finally see Joe again. So why do I feel so discontent, like something just isn't right? Like I'm not doing anything with my time or with my life, and I never have anything to show for the things I bother investing in, and I feel like I'm constantly dismantling things and relationships and other people and myself without having any clue how to repair them.

Wow, emo shpiel. Sorry to dump that on you. I get this way every so often and you can't hold it against me; I'm a woman.

Sundae Sunday

After writing an awful draft of my paper about writer's block, I decided to follow the advice I'd researched and I'm being a lot more productive with this draft than the last one. I wrote the first one the way I play disc golf... incrementally. And inefficiently.

Denise and I are going to Bugaboo Creek for dinner tonight because I've got a coupon that'll expire if I don't use it today. I'm stoked for pizookie!! For those of you who are unenlightened in the realm of pizza cookies, pizookie is a big brownie-like cookie made and served hot in a skillet with vanilla ice cream melting all over the top. And I start to melt a little inside just thinking about it. Mmmmm....

I'm getting a little wanderlusty. This morning, driving back from church, I realized how badly I want to see mountains right now. New Hampshire would be okay, I guess, but I really want to see big purple mountains like the Colorado Rockies. And I also got this random urge to drive to Rockport and watch the sun come up again. I'd probably freeze, of course. But it would be so beautiful!

Okay, back to that paper. And for the record, I think Bronx Mowgli Wentz is possibly the worst name contrived by mankind thus far, except for maybe "Xiotil."

----------------------------------
Currently listening: Muse - "Origin of Symmetry"

Everything is always for the band.

This is the second update I promised earlier this week. You see? I keep my word (usually ^_^).

Eli called me up the other day around noon to ask if I wanted to go to a show that night, and of course, that's an offer I can't refuse, even if I don't know the band. So we drove about an hour to this sweet-in-a-really-tacky-way little venue to see a band called Kiros.

Except when we got there, the place was still closed. The doors were supposed to have opened, but even the bands hadn't gotten inside yet. Eli sort of knew the guys in Kiros from the time he met them at Soulfest and he introduced me to a couple of them.

Finally someone opened the place and we helped unload the equipment from the trailer. I was freezing because I never bring anything into concerts, so I'd left my coat in Eli's car and was toting equipment wearing just a t-shirt. Well I mean, I obviously had pants on. But it was still really cold. Then Neil, who plays guitar for Kiros, let me borrow his gloves, which were big enough for me to fit both hands in one glove and looked positively ridiculous on me. So, naturally, I wore them all night and even threatened never to give them back.

Eli and I talked to Kiros a bit more while the other bands set up and played. The first thing Ryan (also guitar) said to me - and the only thing he kept saying to me all night - was that I smelled like poop. He even wrote it on the poster he signed for me. But I think I talked to Neil the most. And at least he knew how to be a nice person (i.e. he wrote on my poster that I smelled good ^_^). Not that I had a problem with Ryan being a goofball. Hello, think about the guys I hang out with at home....

The first couple sets were okay. Nothing spectacular musically, and the crowd was really tiny - like maybe 50 people? I'm bad at estimating. Anyway, Eli and a couple other people got the semblance of a mosh pit going (if 3-5 people can be considered a mosh pit) and I joined in. Because there was so much space to run around, we were going pretty fast and it was scary when we actually collided with each other. But really flipping awesome.

Kiros' set was good times. Ryan started by lighting Tyler's cymbals on fire, which created a massive fireball when he started playing. And the songs were downright catchy regardless of whether I could sing along, although Barry, the lead singer, taught us newbies some of the words so we could join in.

Eli and I helped Kiros pack out after the show. At this point, it was like half an hour to Eli's birthday and he used that fact to his advantage by inviting the guys to fast food after the show. So when we finally left around midnight, Neil came with us in Eli's car and we followed the van. But Wendy's was closed, and so was McDonald's, so we wound up at Taco Bell.

Hi, I'm a vegetarian. At least at Mickey's I could've gotten a fake-shake (they don't use real milk, I'm told). Neil recommended the apple empanada so I got that and cheese quesadillas. Then we all squished into the back of the van to eat.


Hehe, Tyler's face in this one....


Barry gives Eli a birthday hug.

Barry tried to pretend like some brownies they had in the van were actually for Eli's birthday, but they were totally sketchy brownies. I have a feeling they left out the vegetable oil or some other crucial ingredient that boys wouldn't understand the importance of. I promised to make them amazingtastic brownies someday. (If I'm going to make a habit of keeping my word, I should probably not make promises that aren't easy to keep...)


Ryan with the brownies.


Barry tries to carve Eli's name into the brownies.

After we'd all eaten and enjoyed a few good laughs at ridiculous names we made up for tours (such as "The Velocirap-tour"), it was time to go. I was having so much fun I would've stayed all night, but by then it was probably around 1:30AM and we had at least an hour's drive back to school. I totally fell asleep on the ride back. I think I even snored a little, which always happens when I fall asleep sitting up. How embarrassing. ^_~

Priceless quotes:
"So when I turned seven, she turned... existing." (Neil talking about my sister, who has the same birthday as him.)
"You smell like poop." (Ryan)
"Tour baby! We're taking your baby on tour with us!!" (Neil)
"Come on! Give me a high five!" (Ryan, chasing a little girl around trying to get her to give him a high five. But Neil told her not to, and she wouldn't even look at Ryan after that.)
"I'm not gay; I'm just in a band." (Neil)
"Oh! Excuse me for interrupting myself with that awesome fart." (Neil)
"The Rugrats Rep-tour!!" (Barry)
"The... God is our Lord and Crea-tour!" (Ryan)
Me: Can I have a sip of your soda?
Neil: Only if you call it by its proper name. Say "pop."
Me: Okay, can I have a sip of your pop?
Neil: Sure!

YEAH, I'm a scene kid. What of it?

Okay, update time. This one'll be kind of long because I actually have a life this week.

Number One:

I went to a FREE Mae show at Trisha's school. Beforehand we ate dinner at one of her friends' apartments. It was really yummy - rice, fish, curry (which I couldn't have because it had chicken in it), and an eggy-tomatoey thing that was absolutely heavenly. Dinner took a lot longer than we thought and we were sure we wouldn't get to the venue in time, but the doors opened later than they were supposed to and we got there in plenty of time.

The place was TINY; it was a Starbucks with a little stage area toward the back - not a whole lot bigger than your average coffee shop. We were right on top of the stage the whole show, quite literally - I had one foot resting on the stage and was leaning on the speakers.


Me sitting on the stage with Jacob's shmexy drum set in the background.

I got a very pleasant surprise when I saw that Mark, the bassist who left the band in summer '07 because he got married, had returned!! He was always sort of my favorite. He was so pretty, but mysterious. He played his bass in the shadows and didn't show up in the podcasts. If he did, it was with the whole group and he never said anything. In fact, I don't know if I'd ever heard his voice until that night. But surprisingly, he was grinning the whole show, clearly having the time of his life as he cracked jokes on stage and slapped Zach (guitar)'s butt while Zach was adjusting equipment. I figured he must have been really happy with his marriage and thought, 'good for him.'


Mark, Jacob, and Zach

The show was good times. They played a ton of songs off their first album, Destination: Beautiful, including "Soundtrack to our Movie," "All Deliberate Speed," and one I never expected to hear live, "Skyline Drive." They also played "Countdown," which was my first favorite song off The Everglow because it reminded me of wanting to get the heck out of my podunk little town. AND they played the totally-adorable "Just Let Go" off Singularity, their newest album. It's a falling-in-love song so naturally I'm a sucker for it.


Zach, Dave, and New Rob

When the show ended, Mark was getting off the stage and he steadied himself on my arm, so I seized the opportunity and stopped him for a second to ask when he'd joined back up. "I'm not here," he told me conspiratorially. "I'm a ghost." Grinning the whole time. And smelling of alcohol. Dag, that explained a lot, I guess. I said I would like to take a picture with him even though he was only a ghost.


Me with Mark, and new Rob being a goof in the background.

Then Mark was talking about how he was exhausted beyond all reason, and anything we said, he'd probably be like "yeahh! Good idea!" So, jokingly, since I knew he was already married, I nudged him and said, "Hey Mark, wanna get married sometime?" He was like, "There's only one problem with that idea..." and made a big show of pulling out his wedding ring.

Then he went on to show us how he'd burned off a bunch of hair on his arm with an accidental fireball he caused while repairing equipment (ADD much?), and the topic would've been dropped, except that as I went around talking to the other guys and getting pictures with them, he kept coming up to me and saying random stuff. He was one of those people who can't just, like, come up and talk to you; he's got to get your attention by touching your arm or your shoulder or like putting his arm around you. Maybe that was the booze talking, or maybe I just got hit on by a rock star. XD

He kept telling me my glasses were cool. The second time, he was wearing glasses too, so I made him switch with me and then he made fun of how blind I was.


Me with New Rob, who replaced Old-Asian-Rob on keys.


Everyone with Zach (guitar)


Me with Dave (vocals and guitar)

I talked to Jacob (drums) for a really long time. He remembered some discs I gave them of pictures of Mark and Rob when both left the band last summer. He also remembered my story about missing Relient K and then seeing Mae at the Warped Tour in '05 and how their set made it all worthwhile.



Mark came over again after that and Jacob went to pack up his gear. Then I realized I'd forgotten to ask about the whole "multi-sensory aesthetic experience" theory their name comes from. I knew one of the guys in the band had come up with the theory, but I didn't know which one. Mark told me I should ask Jacob about it, so I jumped up on stage and talked to him about it for a really long time.

Turns out the idea derives from the two years of intense research he did on my favorite condition ever, synaesthesia. He told me the idea of the band was to recreate a synaesthetic experience for non-synaesthetes, hence the random videos they had playing behind them during the set. I think they should find a way to incorporate smell into shows, too. That'd be REALLY multi-sensory.

When we were done talking, I was walking back over to where Trish and Fran were waiting for me to stop being a groupie when Mark bounded over to me yet again, saying, "Hey! Look at that guy. Don't you think he's a pretty foxy guy?" I laughed but I couldn't figure out whether he was talking about Jacob or the crew guy, both of whom were in the vicinity of where he pointed. Then he randomly asked how old I was (I couldn't help thinking of Adventure Time: "how old ARE you?" "I'm twelve years old!" "I'm twenty-eight!") He got all wistful thinking about when he was nineteen and told me it's a good age and I should squeeze as much goodness out of it as possible.

Which I guess I've been doing this week. I keep thinking about an away message one of my friends had up a couple years ago - something to the effect of, in twenty years, you won't remember the homework, but the fast times in between. And yeah, the TAI spin on that statement WAS necessary.

I'm off to class for now. But don't think this is the end. The end is not the end.

--------------

Currently listening: Kiros - A Single Strand

I never tire of sleeping with giants.

-------------------

Oooh myyy. My body hurts. And it was so worth every push and shove, every moment my lungs couldn't find the space to fill up, my shoelaces getting untied and unlaced, the time I got knocked down and pigpiled upon, and the time someone crashed into me and I sort of bit off a little bit of my tongue. Why?

Because after all the blood, sweat, and tears (okay, mostly just sweat), I was only ten feet away from the band's beautiful faces.



I managed to hand Billvy the present I made them, and I was sort of bummed that other people had already handed him presents. BUT, he got theirs in the middle of songs; I gave him mine between songs and he actually thanked me. He didn't say it into the microphone or anything. He just mouthed it to me. We had a moment. It was beautiful.



Bill sang right at the edge of the stage for most of the show and I was just inches short of being able to reach his hand when he would reach out into the crowd. A little further into the set, I wiggled my way just a few inches closer, which put me in range. At one point he was leaning completely on my hand. And I got to touch his pretty hair. And during "About a Girl," when he sang the line, "I'm not gonna waste these words about a girl," he reached out and held my hand and looked right into my eyes!! *fangirl squeee*

Then, at the very end of the show, Sisky came right up to the edge of the stage and I stroked his bass. That was pretty sweet, too. The lights went down for a minute and we saw the Butcher holding up my present, which was glowing in the dark!! Aaand Billvy played a brand new song called "Winter Passing" on his acoustic guitar (*melts*). Obsessive fan that I am, I already knew some of the words and sang along.



Oh, mid-show, Bill decided to announce that a couple off to the side of the stage had been making out the entire show. And that they were still making out, even after he made the announcement.

After the show, Trish ran into Sisky and took a picture with him, but Sarah and I didn't get a chance to. But the night wasn't over yet. Trish, Sarah and I went out behind the venue to lurk the tour bus. That SAME psycho little girl from the Cobra show was there. Not the one with the AA-cup bra, but the one we actually talked to who said she was gonna stay there til 3AM and tried to tell everyone she was 15 (a blatant lie; we're not sure she's even reached puberty yet, actually).



Luckily, we also ran into cooler people, such as Sisky Business and Michael Guy Chislett. We saw the Butcher for like 30 seconds but he was just looking for his art supplies underneath the bus and wouldn't speak to us.





I also saw Jack the camera guy and asked if I could help him make TAITV this week, but he said they weren't filming anything tonight. Maybe I can help next time they're in Boston. And maybe I'll actually get to meet Billvy next time (but being serenaded by him was enough this time).

In a last ditch attempt to attract Billvy's attention, I wrote backwards in the dirt on the tour bus window, "BILLVY!! COME OUT! <3" But I guess he didn't see it. I also wrote "TAI is wicked awesome" (a true Bostonian remark) and my blog address, strategically placed under the address of the William Beckett blog. Did anyone see that....? XD



Then we got Sarah to the commuter rail and pigged out at Dunks. On a side note, their white hot chocolate is wack. Not wiggity wack; just regular type. Hahaha. When I bought it, I said, "My moves are white hot. No they're not. But my chocolate is."

Some sorta update

It's been a while since I posted. Life happens. I'm back.

I'm revising a poem about the southwest and I'll post it when this draft is done.

My schedule next quad looks like this:

M/W/F:
9:10 - Sociological Perspectives
1:00 - Astronomy (I've ALWAYS wanted to take astronomy!!)
6:30 (Mondays only) - Intro to Digital Video Production (which I should have taken before doing GO-FILM last year OR applied comm this year... thanks to the kind souls in the comm arts department who let me do things a little out of order =D).

T/Th (I refuse to abbreviate Thursday with the letter R.)
11:30 - Great Ideas, Antiquity (with my faculty hero, Brian Glenney.)
8:00 - Photography

Fourth quad I drop Sociology and Philosophy and pick up aerobic walking. Hmm. So I'll hardly have any academics at that point. Yet somehow I'm making 16 credits...? Maybe I should pick up another quad class so I don't get bored. Or maybe I should just get working on that book. We'll see.

Today I'll be babysitting from my usual time, 12:45, until the kids go to school tomorrow morning, and I'm getting a hundred bucks for this. Which is excellent, since I wasn't sure how I was going to pay Trish back for our The Academy Is... tickets. The Lord will provide!

And since I'm already talking about TAI... ONE WEEK LEFT!!! Yeah, we're going into Boston like 5 hours early to lurk the venue.... And as soon as we find Jack the camera guy, Ima ask him if I can do an internship with him.... XD

Awww fnck. This was not part of the plan.

Existentialover

They jumped the gun
and lit the furnace in the woods some
eight weeks ago. The wind lifted paper flames
up to the butter-pat moon and it was
beautiful, watching everything die like that.
And there you were, waiting, ensconced
in the willow branches’ orange cave like you knew
someone was coming while the meteors
diffused overhead.

So is this the end of the world, or do we
finally carry on? Hope is an ever-rising
phoenix: and there I was
to witness the Caesarean section
birth of a thing
that was, perhaps, less than ready
to swallow the cold, hard nitrogen
left over when the fire
burnt out. Well, at least the sun is out, but
it’s awful cold for Halloween.

-------

The Evil Behind the Energy

Today I had to give an oral presentation on Rockstar Energy Drink and its marketing strategies. We gave out samples of Rockstar to everyone in the class, then proceeded to tell them why they shouldn't buy Rockstar because in doing so they're supporting Michael Savage, host of the Savage Nation radio show. Some of his worse moments include:

"Not all Muslims are terrorists, but all terrorists happen to be Muslims."
"I'll tell you what autism is. In 99% of the cases, it's a brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out."
And my personal favorite, directly to a gay man who called in with an airline horror story at Savage's request: "Oh, you're one of the sodomites. You should only get AIDS and die, you pig."

After we'd finished, there were a few shots of Rockstar left (we gave it out in ketchup cups XD), and I figured that since I now knew everything about the product except how it tasted, it was about time I tried some. That little shot was enough to make me choke. And THIS is the most popular seller in Gordon's bookstore?!

After class, Sam said to me, "I'll never forget the look on your face after you took your first sip of Rockstar...."

Glad to have been such good entertainment.

Oh yeah, and this morning I woke up from a dream in which I drank our glowing Mountain Dew concoction, and when I looked at my stomach, my innards were glowing. And then they were going to fall out, so I was like, "Guys, we gotta go to the hospital. Someone's gotta come with me. I'll drive, but someone's gotta come with me."

----------------------------------------------

Stupid poet rant:

Why can’t people understand that WRITING POEMS does not make you a POET? These days there are a million and one emo kids bleeding all over their notebook pages and calling it poetry. And I suppose it's a sort of verse, yes; but if all you ever do is bleed, kid, you’re not a poet.

A poet ought to paint her words with a feather or trace them on the surface of the sea. The process is fragile, as subject to change as clear skies in Boston – but you carve your words in granite with a chisel, never to be rescinded. Every one of them is there on purpose. You will not hear of changing them: heresy! You don't write for yourself. But you don't care if your words are any good, so you don’t write for anyone else, either.

How can you call yourself a writer when all you do is bleed?

Stupid boy rant (abridged):

I don't go out on a limb for just anybody. I would offer you my heart, but worse than breaking it, you'd just ignore that it was even there.

Mountain Dew: Solution to America's Energy Crisis?

Forget expensive electricity costs! Say goodbye to foreign oil dependency! Mountain Dew is the answer!!

Tonight, Sarah Mac, Eli and I went to Shaws and bought a whole bunch of Mountain Dew because we saw this video of a guy making glow-in-the-dark Dew by adding baking soda and hydrogen peroxide to the soda. I thought a glowing bottle of Mtn Dew seemed like a great thing to carry around on Halloween night, no matter what your costume may be. But unfortunately, it turned out the video was faked, so instead we broke open a glow stick and poured that into it. The level of epicness was seriously disappointing, so we gave up and shneckled instead. And to think that for that hour or so, I was convinced I'd solved the energy crisis with simple baking and first aid supplies....


So nobody sues me or deletes my blog or anything stupid like that, the Strong Bad video is not by me; OBVIOUSLY it came from Homestarrunner.com. This should go without saying, but in the world of lawsuits, nothing does.